Two Methods: Flirting In- Person
Flirting by Texting or Chatting Questions and Answers
Flirting, at its most basic, is
playfully showing you are romantically attracted to someone. If you are ready
to flirt with someone, you should already know you are sexually attracted to
them, and like them! It might seem nerve-wracking to start flirting and put
yourself out there, but fear not—it's normal to be nervous around someone you
really like, and there are ways to seem confident and pull off a successful
flirtation. Whether you're flirting over text, online, or in-person, it's
important to keep a balance between revealing your feelings and keeping the
person you like intrigued. If you want to know how to flirt and you'd like some
help getting to know someone, this article gives some general advice.smile ,
and look away.someone but not talking to them, try
letting a slow smile spread over your face instead of breaking into an
insta -grin. Slow, languid smiles are generally considered sexy.yourself remember it, try repeating it after he or she
says it to you. (Such as "Lily. I love that name.")itself doesn't matter — what
matters is that you're inviting him or her to interact with you.Non-verbal cues can say a lot more about how you feel than
what's actually coming out of your mouth, so make sure you're communicating how
you feel. Try the following:contact should be long enough to be more than
accidental, but no more. Avoid grasping a hand or arm, and instead try gestures
such as brushing an imaginary speck of dirt off of their arm, or
"accidentally" touching feet or knees without pulling away.anddon't let the opportunity
slip by — you never know when you'll get another one. Here are some techniques
to try:youout for an interaction. This can be a good way to gauge
interest, as well as build tension.plans at a later date. For instance, you
might say, "So, what are you up to on Saturday night?" Try to keep
this an open question, instead of one that requires a yes or no answer — you'll
get more information that way. Don't ask someone what he or she is doing
tonight, or even tomorrow. Try to schedule the date a few days out so that you
don't come off as overly desperate.use a compliment oriented in this direction. Say something like, "It's so
easy to talk to you," or "I kind of can't believe I'm getting to know
someone as interesting as you."etc ."etc .". Though flirting should let the person
know that you like him or her, you shouldn't make it seem like you're doing all
of the work. Instead, you should be just flattering enough so that the person
knows you're interested, but leave him or her to wonder just how much you care.
To achieve this, try phrasing compliments objectively rather than subjectively.
Here are examples of objective vs subjective compliments :on it can make you seem "too easy". ; )"), and exaggeration ("You're probably a million times
better at this than I am") in the beginning.winking smiley faces, all caps, or
exclamation points to communicate this. Just don't overdo it with the emoticons
or it'll begin to feel corny for the other person.jk " to make a quick save.in a date. Sometimes, you may just want to flirt for the
fun of it, instead of hoping it will go somewhere.o Put your hand on his arm and look into his
eyes. If he STILL doesn't figure it out, tell him straight out that you like
him. It's less fun, but it gets you where you want to be.o Ask him out first! If you insist, you can hint
for him to make a move, but if he's shy you might be waiting a long time.o He does! But it's easy to test / flirt back in
this situation. Hold eye contact with him and wait for him to blush or look
away.o Only give out your phone number to someone
you're actually interested in. If someone seems sleazy or won't stop asking
you, we have some ideas for you.
Tips shehurry to let go?louddance hall, for example, might not be conducive to talking too much. In
this case, smile, act interested, and wait for a spontaneous opportunity to
meet at the punch bowl or in the lobby. Do not, however, follow them around for
a while because you're too nervous to approach the person; this will make you
seem creepy. Talk to them the first chance you get.source :
http://www.wikihow.com
Flirting, at its most basic, is
playfully showing you are romantically attracted to someone. If you are ready
to flirt with someone, you should already know you are sexually attracted to
them, and like them! It might seem nerve-wracking to start flirting and put
yourself out there, but fear not—it's normal to be nervous around someone you
really like, and there are ways to seem confident and pull off a successful
flirtation. Whether you're flirting over text, online, or in-person, it's
important to keep a balance between revealing your feelings and keeping the
person you like intrigued. If you want to know how to flirt and you'd like some
help getting to know someone, this article gives some general advice.
Method1
Flirting In-Person
1.
1
Make eye contact. Eye contact is
the best and easiest thing you can do to start flirting. You can look deeply
into the person's eyes while also taking the time to break eye contact to keep
things from getting too intense. Consider using it in these ways:
• Get caught looking. Don't stare, but do throw small glances at someone.
Keep doing it until he or she catches you. Hold the gaze for a second, smile ,
and look away.
• Look into his or her eyes when you talk, particularly at meaningful
points in the conversation (for example, while you're paying a compliment).
• Wink or raise your eyebrows at your crush. It's cheesy, but it works if
used sparingly. Do it when you're looking at someone from across a room, or if
you're talking in a group and say something really meant for him or her.
• Girls can try looking at a guy, lowering your gaze, and looking up at
the guy again through lowered lashes.
2.
2
Smile. You'll probably smile
automatically if you're talking to someone you like, but you can use your
pearly whites to your advantage before the conversation even starts. You can
even smile at the person when you pass him or her by in the halls, or just from
across the room. You don't have to grin from ear to ear, either; just a simple,
subtle smile will do the trick. Try these variations:
• Smile slowly. If you're looking at someone but not talking to them, try
letting a slow smile spread over your face instead of breaking into an
insta -grin. Slow, languid smiles are generally considered sexy.
• Smile when you make eye contact. If you're suddenly looking into
someone's eyes, toss in a smile for extra appeal. (If it's a genuine smile, the
other person will see it without even looking at your mouth — it will crinkle
your eyes, and is known as a Duchenne smile.)
• Try smiling with your eyes, not just your mouth. Make your whole face
light up when you smile.
3.
3
Start talking. Introduce yourself
— or maintain the mystery (optional). If you don't already know the person
you're flirting with, an introduction (or lack of one) can be a great thing to
build flirting around. Avoid the urge to have a cheesy pick-up line. Saying
"Hi" followed by an introduction or a simple question is much more
effective and less forced.
• If your crush doesn't know your name and you're a naturally gregarious
person, try introducing yourself at some point. It can be as simple as,
"Hi, I'm [name]. And you are...?" Make sure you get the other
person's name. To help yourself remember it, try repeating it after he or she
says it to you. (Such as "Lily. I love that name.")
• Or, if you want to make yourself seem like a bit of a challenge, work to
keep your identity a mystery for a little while. If the other person really
wants to know, he or she will ask around or keep pursuing you.
4.
4
Initiate a conversation. Whether
you already know the other person or not, a conversation is the best way to
move the flirtation forward. The person you're flirting with will be impressed
by your boldness and confidence. Here are a few guidelines:
• Talk to someone you don't already know. Perhaps the best way to strike
up a conversation is to start with an observation which ends with a question:
"I can't believe how much it's rained this week" or "This place
sure is packed, eh?" What you say isn't important — you are simply
inviting the person to talk with you.
• Find common ground with someone you do know. If you've already met the
other person, strike up a conversation based on a shared experience or
interest. For instance, you might talk about a class you're taking together, or
the train you both take to work. Again, the topic itself doesn't matter — what
matters is that you're inviting him or her to interact with you.
• Gauge the response. If the person responds pleasantly, continue the
conversation. If the person doesn't respond or seems preoccupied or
disinterested, he or she probably isn't interested in flirting with you.
5.
5
Keep it light. Don't bring up
anything too personal when you're talking. Talk about the environment around
you, the show you just saw, etc. Keep personal information (such as religion,
money, relationships, education, and so on) out of it, unless the person enjoys
intellectual debates without becoming over-emotional. Generally, it's best to
avoid debating topics personally relevant to either of you (such as either
yours or their religion) and to rather discuss topics you both don't have a
personal stake in.
• It's easier to flirt when you're talking about more fun and lighthearted
topics, such as your pets, reality television, or your favorite vacation spots.
This doesn't mean you have to dumb yourself down to flirt, but it does mean you
have to relax and avoid the deep talk for a while.
• Be playful. Being playful means not taking yourself too seriously, being
a bit silly, playfully hitting your crush, or talking about something slightly
offbeat or unexpected. It also means not putting too much pressure on yourself
over the course of the conversation.
6.
6
Use body language to communicate
your intentions. Non-verbal cues can say a lot more about how you feel than
what's actually coming out of your mouth, so make sure you're communicating how
you feel. Try the following:
• Keep your stance "open." Don't cross your arms or legs, as
these are generally signs that you wish to isolate yourself from the other
person.
• Turn your body toward the other person. Stand or sit so that you're
facing the person you're flirting up. Angle your torso toward him or her, or
point your feet in that direction.
• Break the "touch barrier". Casually initiate physical contact
by touching him or her on the forearm as you talk, or by
"accidentally" walking too close and brushing up against the other
person.
• Play with your hair (girls). Playing with your hair is usually a sign of
nervousness, which is a good thing if you like the other person — you almost
want him or her to know you're nervous because it means you're interested. To
consciously communicate this, slowly twirl a strand of hair around your finger
as you talk.
7.
7
Break the touch barrier. The first
few times you touch your crush, be careful not to "trap" him or her.
Depending on the area, the contact should be long enough to be more than
accidental, but no more. Avoid grasping a hand or arm, and instead try gestures
such as brushing an imaginary speck of dirt off of their arm, or
"accidentally" touching feet or knees without pulling away.
• All of these touches can be rejected without humiliation or offense, so
if your crush is not ready for that kind of contact, you will not be forcing
them to reject you entirely.
8.
8
Compliment the other person early
in the conversation. It might seem too forward, but letting him or her know
you're interested in dating before a solid friendship begins is the easiest way
to detour around the friend-zone. Get confident, anddon't let the opportunity
slip by — you never know when you'll get another one. Here are some techniques
to try:
• Maintain eye contact while you're complimenting. Looking away might
accidentally make you seem insincere.
• Lower the tone and volume of your voice slightly. Paying a compliment in
a slightly lower register than your usual speaking voice makes it seem intimate
and sexy. Plus, it might also coax the other person to come closer to hear you.
• Use your crush's other interests to your advantage. If you know this
person is dating (or interested in) someone else, you can use this to your
advantage in a compliment.
• Try weaving the compliment into the conversation. For instance, if the
girl you like is talking about how she had a terrible day, you could say
something like "I hate seeing someone as beautiful as you feel so unhappy.
What can I do to help?"
• Be careful about complimenting looks. A girl might like it if you notice
her eyes, but she might label you as creepy if you say she has a nice figure
too soon. Play it safe and stick to these physical features:
• Eyes
• Smile
• Lips
• Hair
• Hands
9.
9
Keep your interactions short and
sweet. Remember that the key to creating demand is making supply scarce, so try
to limit your interactions with the object of your flirtations. Don't talk to
him or her every single day. Make it a special event and save it for a few
times a week.
• Don't let conversations drag on for more than 5 or 10 minutes. The
longer they go on, the higher your odds of running into an awkward silence.
• Let the other person come to you. After you've put in the work of
starting up the interaction and sparking an interest, pull back a bit and see
if he or she seeks youout for an interaction. This can be a good way to gauge
interest, as well as build tension.
10.
10
Close the deal. If your flirting
has been successful so far, and you want to get to know the other person
better, it's time to see if you can turn it into a date. Here are a few
approaches:
• Ask if the other person has plans at a later date. For instance, you
might say, "So, what are you up to on Saturday night?" Try to keep
this an open question, instead of one that requires a yes or no answer — you'll
get more information that way. Don't ask someone what he or she is doing
tonight, or even tomorrow. Try to schedule the date a few days out so that you
don't come off as overly desperate.
• Suggest a specific event and ask if he or she would like to come along.
This is the best approach if you're trying to arrange a group date. You could
say something like, "So a bunch of us were going to see a movie on Friday,
and I'd really like it if you came with us."
• Be straightforward. If you're feeling extra confident, go in for the
kill without any pretense. For instance, you could say something like,
"I'd really love to take you on a date. When are you free?"
Method2
Flirting by Texting or Chatting
1.
1
Keep your approach casual. Don't
let yourself get so nervous that you forget basic conversational skills.
Instead, try to stay calm and open the conversation in a low-pressure way. If
you've never chatted with the person online before, you may even find an excuse
for talking to him, like asking a question about homework or talking about a
sports team you both like. If you're texting a person for the first time, make
sure he or she knows who you are and that they don't feel creeped out. Here are
some ways to start a conversation through text or chatting:
• "Hey, how's it going?"
• "Did you see/hear [insert event you both know about here]?"
• "How's your week going?"
2.
2
Don't talk about yourself too
much. The majority of people are most comfortable talking about themselves
because it's a topic they know well. Instead of taking the easy way out and
discussing you endlessly, encourage the other person to talk about him or
herself. However, you can and should occasionally throw some personal facts in
the person's direction to help them to ask questions about you in turn. The key
is to leave it up to them to pursue an interest in things relevant to yourself.
• This tactic actually serves two purposes: Not only does it keep the
conversation going, but it allows you to find out more about your crush.
• You don't have to possess prior information about the other person to do
this step. If you don't know him or her very well yet, you can ask:
• "How did your day go?"
• "So, what do you do with your free time?"
• If you do know the other person a bit, focus on a hobby or interest
you're already aware of. For instance, maybe he's really into basketball, or
you know she loves to read. "Did you see the game last night?" or
"Have you read any good books lately?" would be great starts.
3.
3
Know when to press for more
information. You can keep the discussion lively and interesting without probing
too deeply on personal topics. For instance, asking your crush what exactly he
or she likes about running cross-country would be a great idea; asking him or
her for more details on family relationships or close friendships would be too
much, too soon. You can do it in a joking, flirtatious bantering way that
doesn't feel too serious, or like you're interviewing the person. Here are some
ways to ask for more information flirtatiously:
• "So are you planning on spending all night online or do you have more
exciting plans for this evening?"
• "Are you going to kick some butt in tonight's game?"
• "I've noticed the cute kitty in your profile picture. Is that who you
spend most of your time with?"
4.
4
Compliment your crush early in the
conversation. Don't chicken out and skip this step — it might seem difficult,
but it's incredibly important. A compliment communicates that you're
potentially interested in dating, and steers you away from the dreaded friend-zone.
If you skip paying your crush a compliment and simply keep the conversation on
a friendly level, it might be too late next time. Here are some basic
compliments you could use:
• If you don't know your crush very well yet, but you're working on it,
use a compliment oriented in this direction. Say something like, "It's so
easy to talk to you," or "I kind of can't believe I'm getting to know
someone as interesting as you."
• Try weaving the compliment into the conversation. For instance, if the
girl you like is talking about how she had a terrible day, you could say
something like "I hate seeing someone as beautiful as you feel so unhappy.
What can I do to help?"
5.
5
Be bold. If none of the
suggestions above appeal to you, go for broke and pay your crush a bold
compliment. Try these possibilities, using the adjective that fits your crush
best or substituting your own:
• "I hope you know you're gorgeous/beautiful/amazing/my favorite person to
talk to/etc ."
• "Sorry if this is too forward, but I have to say that you're
incredible/an amazing person/so beautiful/etc ."
6.
6
Don't come on too strong. Avoid
loading compliments with feelings too early. Leaving a person slightly
uncertain of the extent of your feelings for them can increase your attractiveness,
giving you a bit of a mysterious edge. The point is not to make the person
question whether you like them at all, but to make them wonder how much you
like them. If you just openly say, "I have a big crush on you" or
"I've always thought you were so hot," then you're taking the mystery
out of the exchange.
• Instead, you can send a text or a message that says something like,
"You looked cute in your new sweater today" or another comment that
is nice and flirtatious without giving it all away.
7.
7
Convince your crush to pursue you
instead of having to do the work yourself. Though flirting should let the person
know that you like him or her, you shouldn't make it seem like you're doing all
of the work. Instead, you should be just flattering enough so that the person
knows you're interested, but leave him or her to wonder just how much you care.
To achieve this, try phrasing compliments objectively rather than subjectively.
Here are examples of objective vs subjective compliments :
• "I really like your eyes, they're so pretty." On the surface, this
compliment may seem fine, and it probably would be appreciated. However, a
common flaw in phrasing a romantic compliment is to constantly use the words
"I like/love *insert trait here*". They tell the person that they've
succeeded in winning your heart. This is great if you've already built up a
solid relationship, but early on it can make you seem "too easy".
• "You have great eyes, they're very pretty". Although technically
both sentences are you conveying that you like the person's eyes, this one
makes it more of an observation than a personal opinion. It implies that you
find the person attractive but does not confirm it outright. As such, the
receiver will feel both flattered and drawn to figure out how much attractive
you find them.
8.
8
Tease gently. Because you can't
use body language to communicate over text or chat, you'll have to rely on your
words to keep the mood light and fun. Rely on inside jokes (based on events you
were both present for), sarcasm ("Yeah, I'm SURE you look like an ogre in
the morning ; )"), and exaggeration ("You're probably a million times
better at this than I am") in the beginning.
• Make it clear that you're kidding. The drawback of using text to
communicate is that you can't always read the emotion behind the words. If
you're going to flirt with someone by teasing them, make extra sure that you're
implying it's a joke. You can use winking smiley faces, all caps, or
exclamation points to communicate this. Just don't overdo it with the emoticons
or it'll begin to feel corny for the other person.
• If you've already sent something that could be interpreted the wrong
way, make your meaning crystal clear. Say something like "(joke)" or
"jk " to make a quick save.
9.
9
Always leave your crush wanting
more. As much as you might want to text this person forever, it's best to bow
out before the conversation goes stale (as all conversations are bound to do at
some point). The best way to avoid an awkward pause is to leave before one happens.
Ending the conversation on a good note will lead your conversational partner to
look forward to the next time you can chat.
• Set up your next interaction before you go. Throw out something like
"Hey, so I'll see you around tomorrow?" or "I'll talk to you
soon."
• If you're chatting online, note that you enjoyed the conversation just
before you leave. It doesn't have to be complicated — a simple "This was
awesome" or "I had a good time talking to you" is enough. If
you're texting, you can be a bit more casual about it.
• Be careful not to over-compliment your crush. Your compliments will have
a lot less meaning if you bestow them for every single positive trait the
person has. Instead, reserve them for meaningful things that are important to
the person, such as complimenting a skill they take pride in.
10.
10
Don't take it too seriously. Keep
in mind that flirting is supposed to be fun and try not to be crushed if your
efforts aren't successful — not every interaction will be a perfect 10. Stay
positive, and try again with someone else. As with anything else, flirting
improves with practice. Flirting also doesn't have to have an endgame; not
every flirtation ends in a date. Sometimes, you may just want to flirt for the
fun of it, instead of hoping it will go somewhere.
• Flirting can help you meet new people, feel more comfortable, and learn
to mingle. You don't need to put any pressure on yourself to make it mean
something or to be perfect.
READER QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS
• What should I do if he doesn't notice that I'm flirting?
• I know a guy likes me but he won't ask me out! What do I do?
• This guy in class keeps staring at me. How do I tell if he likes me?
• What if they ask you for your phone number?
Tips
Don't complain when flirting.
Remember, the world does not revolve around you. If you complain too much,
others will find you depressing and avoid you. This also goes for constantly
insulting yourself, which is not humble — it's another form of self-absorption.
• Don't use your phone (that means no texting) while you are flirting with
someone. This shows that you are more interested in talking to somebody else
who isn't there or that you are already involved in a relationship.
• If you're flirting with a girl and thinking about breaking the touch
barrier, test the waters with impeccable manners. For example, offer your hand
when she might need to keep her balance, such as when she's getting into or out
of a car, or when she's stepping over a puddle or any other uneven surface. How
does she respond when you offer your hand? Does she seem receptive? Or does
shehurry to let go?
• Don't flirt with someone you're not romantically interested in, unless
you are 100% sure that they are not romantically interested in you. Otherwise,
you risk accidentally leading them on, which can lead to an embarrassing moment
and uncomfortable interactions afterward.
• Flirting is not appropriate everywhere. Funerals, for example, are
generally not good places to flirt. Flirting in the workplace is also generally
a no-no. If you happen to flirt at work, be on your best behavior, and don't
press the issue if the other person isn't interested.
• Let go of any neediness you might have. Neediness is a precursor to
obsessiveness, and obsessiveness is creepy. Needy people are imbalanced and
unstable people because their happiness hinges too greatly on someone else,
rather than a stable sense of self-worth. If you're projecting a vibe that
you'll be devastated if a person doesn't want to be your friend or romantic partner,
the lightheartedness that makes flirting fun will be extinguished.
• Use flirting that is appropriate for the setting. Meeting at a library
or louddance hall, for example, might not be conducive to talking too much. In
this case, smile, act interested, and wait for a spontaneous opportunity to
meet at the punch bowl or in the lobby. Do not, however, follow them around for
a while because you're too nervous to approach the person; this will make you
seem creepy. Talk to them the first chance you get.
• If you don't feel comfortable asking for their number, try giving them
your number. If they are truly interested in you, they will give you a call.
You could also pass them your email address.
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